It has been a little while since my last post. I think everyone goes through periods of time that words do not present themselves. Times when there are no words. Spending the 4th with family and friends was bittersweet…… enjoying a holiday that will always bring flashes of Christian running up the stairs to get ice and then jumping back on the boat with a “be back in a little bit” yelled up the stairs.
Saturday night as I sat and listened to the band playing some of his favorite songs I wondered what would be his favorite songs now if he were here. Would he be running around frantic trying to pack a month worth of living into 15 days before returning to the boat on the 7th, or would he have jumped ship and moved on to another company that offered shorter hitches like he was always threatening to do. Would his new obsession have become wake boarding or would he have continued to chase his childhood dream of being a dirt bike racer. So many decisions that would have been made. Some small and insignificant and others life changing. Choices that should have been his to make and experience but were taken away from him for meaningless reasons.
So we continue to live in the “what was” because we do not know what the “what would have been” would look like today. And we wish for Christian to …..
Return If Possible
Pictures from our last shopping trip.
I am so sorry that it took this tragedy to bring your writing out “from under the bed” but we are better for it!
Every time I read your inspired words I remember a shy reserved little girl who kept a thick collection of thoughts tucked safely under the bed. As curious as I was, I would have never invaded that private place.
I can not imagine how difficult it is for you to share that with us but I feel blessed ever time you do.
My prayer is that by expressing your thoughts and feelings with such beautifully painful words – somehow it helps.
Love,
Lori (Po)
Lori (you will always be Po to me) I had forgotten about my binder of quotes and articles I kept under my bed. 🙂 I think I still have that old ratty accordion binder my grandfather gave me to keep “my thoughts” in. I don’t know who I do this for…. me or him or maybe for both. I know people get tired of reading another “story about Christian” and I try to add humor at times but I look at so many wonderful families like yours sharing pictures on Facebook of vacations and milestones and “just because” and I want to say “Hold them close!!” “Tell them you love them everyday in some way!!” I did not do a very good job of that with Christian. So if nothing else comes from these “musings of mine”, I hope THAT message is heard by the people who take the time to read the posts.
So maybe it is not just for me and him, but for everyone…. Rae